I have been dating Tunde for four years, and if anyone had told me he was hiding something from me, I would have argued with them. We met back in school during my NYSC year in Abuja. He was calm, kind, funny, and thoughtful. He was not the loud or flirty type most guys were.
He helped me move into my first apartment, stayed up talking with me whenever I could not sleep, and always showed up when I needed him. Everyone said we were a perfect couple. We were already talking about marriage.
Then everything changed.
He started acting distant. He avoided intimacy and spent more time with one particular friend named Kelvin. At first, I thought nothing of it. He told me they were working on a project together. But one day, I found a second phone in his drawer, one I had never seen before.
Out of curiosity, I checked it. What I saw broke me. There were messages between him and Kelvin. They were flirting, sending pictures, and talking about nights they spent together when I thought he was working late.
My heart dropped. I sat on the floor for almost an hour reading everything. When he got home that night, I asked him if he was seeing Kelvin. He froze, sat down, and quietly said, “I did not plan for you to find out this way.”
That was all. No excuses, no denial, just a quiet confession. He told me he had been struggling with his sexuality for years and thought being with me would help him change. He said he loved me, but not in the way I deserved.
I could not even cry. I just felt numb. Four years of my life suddenly felt like a lie. I was not angry that he was gay. I was angry that he used me to hide it.
Since then, I have been a mess. I deleted our pictures, stopped answering calls, and barely leave my room. I keep asking myself if I missed the signs or if I was just too in love to see them.
I have not told anyone because people in Abuja talk too much. Some would mock me, others would twist the story. So I have been keeping it all inside, trying to heal quietly.
Now I am left confused. I do not hate him, but I cannot pretend everything is fine either. I feel broken and betrayed.
I honestly do not know what to feel anymore. Part of me wants to forgive him, but another part feels like I lost four years of my life to something that was never real.