I never thought I would be the kind of person to do something like this. Even as I write this, my hands are shaking because I still do not understand how it happened or why I allowed it.
My sister and I have always been close. She is the firstborn, and I have always looked up to her. She is hardworking, beautiful, confident, and everything I wanted to be. When she got married three years ago, I was genuinely happy for her. Her husband, Chuka, seemed like the perfect man. He was calm, respectful, and always treated my sister like a queen.
During their wedding, people kept saying how lucky my sister was, and I believed it too. I used to pray that one day I would find a man like him.
Last year, I moved to Abuja to look for a job, and my sister offered to let me stay with them for a while. I was grateful. She said, “Don’t worry, stay until you’re stable.” I promised myself that I would not overstay my welcome.
At first, everything was fine. My sister worked long hours because of her office, and Chuka was mostly home in the evenings. We got along well. We talked about life, work, and random things. He was kind and easy to talk to. I saw him like a brother.
Then, one night, everything changed.
It was raining heavily, and my sister had traveled for a two-day seminar in Lagos. I was watching a movie in the living room when the power went out. Chuka came to check on me, and we started talking again — just normal conversation. Somehow, that night, the energy shifted. He said something about how mature I had become, how I reminded him of when he first met my sister. I laughed it off, but I could feel something strange between us.
He sat close to me, and before I even realized it, he kissed me. I froze. For a few seconds, my mind went blank. I knew it was wrong, but I did not stop him. One thing led to another, and that night, I made the worst mistake of my life.
The next morning, I could not even look at him. He acted like nothing happened. I avoided him the entire day and cried quietly in my room. When my sister came back, I could not even hug her properly. I felt dirty. Every time she smiled or told me she loved me, guilt crushed me even more.
I wanted to tell her, but how do you tell your own sister that you slept with her husband? It would destroy her.
Since that night, I have not been able to sleep peacefully. Sometimes I wake up sweating, feeling like someone is watching me. I keep replaying everything in my head, wishing I could undo it. Chuka has not brought it up since then, but whenever we are in the same room, I feel his eyes on me. It makes my skin crawl.
I finally moved out a few weeks later. I told my sister that I needed to give them space and that I found a cheaper apartment closer to work. She believed me and even helped me pack my things. That day, I almost broke down because she kept saying, “You’ve been such a blessing to us.”
I can’t stop thinking about how I betrayed her. She does not deserve this. She still calls to check up on me, and every time her name appears on my phone, my chest tightens.
I know what I did is unforgivable. It eats me up every single day. I can’t even pray anymore without crying. Sometimes I wonder if I should confess everything to her and take whatever comes with it, or if I should just carry this guilt silently for the rest of my life.
I feel like God will never forgive me. I do not even recognize the person I have become.
I can’t sleep at night anymore. The guilt keeps me awake, and the sound of my sister’s voice breaks me every time.
What should I do? Should I tell her the truth and destroy everything, or keep quiet and live with the pain forever?